tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19999607502466244712024-03-08T03:37:52.580+00:00The Invisible WomanObservations about life and people from a woman nobody notices.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-42853790256400973912014-02-17T12:34:00.002+00:002014-02-17T12:34:37.346+00:00Brand new trailer for The SleepingI decided to make a brand new trailer for the second book in my Lilean Chronicles series, The Sleeping. I used Animoto for this and found it to be easy but expensive. Everything costs money there, so be aware of that if you use the site. Anyway, here is the video, I hope you enjoy it.<br />
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<br />Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-7245211455291065532014-02-10T22:30:00.003+00:002014-02-10T22:31:49.940+00:00Landmarks, and making a public fussI'm 52 today.<br />
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My experience of birthdays has largely changed over the years, but one thing remains the same - the wish that someone other than myself would want to make a fuss over my special day.<br />
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When I was a young kid, my parents let me have a party and invite the kids from our street, but that's not what I'm on about here. What I'm talking about is those birthdays I've experienced as an adult who is all too aware that what people think of me, matters.<br />
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I can't help but feel a twinge of envy when I see someone being made a fuss of on their birthday, by their family, friends and significant other, and even though I know that birthdays are not significant in a universal sense, they are significant to people. Having someone make a fuss on your birthday means someone cares about you enough to want society at large to know that "this person is special to me." <br />
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When no one makes a fuss, it means no one gives a shit, and that sucks cock..!Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-75535765037623249722013-11-20T18:26:00.000+00:002013-11-20T18:26:41.742+00:00My own personal jungleI'm a celebrity get me out of here has begun again on TV here in the UK. This is the only reality show I like and make a point of watching. I enjoy seeing others enduring hardships that most of us would never have the nerve to experience, and I can sit in the comfort of my own living room and watch celebs being covered in bugs and eating ostrich anus, and I can enjoy it without having to actually experience it. It's compulsive viewing, and if the celebs are nice people, or good looking, or both, then so much the better.<br />
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It's interesting seeing celebs being real. We usually only get to see their public persona, and it's nice to see that they can be nasty, boring and emotional just like the rest of us. The jungle brings the contestants into direct contact with their fears, usually the bugs, and I'm happy to admit that I would never have the courage to enter that show. I have a phobia of spiders and the ones in the jungle are huge. I'd be fine with the rats, cockroaches, snakes and anything else, but the spiders? No thank you.<br />
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This show coming back has made me think about fears, phobias and courage. Everyone is scared of something, and anyone who says they're not, is a liar. I'm autistic, and my greatest phobia is social interaction. Not only does it terrify me, but I'm hopeless at it, and my terrible attempts at it only serve to increase the fear for the next time. I think back to previous attempts, and the awful consequences, and think, "not doing that again, thank you." Usually, you would think that simply avoiding your fears would help ensure your life is stress free and happy, but no. You see, apart from being bad at social interaction, at the same time, I yearn for it. I long for friends, nights out, laughs and fun, but knowing how bad I am at doing it, makes me too afraid to try it again.<br />
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It's the same when it comes to finding a significant other. I'm awful at doing that, and previous attempts have ended in disaster, so I no longer try to find anyone. In fact, if I'm completely truthful, I actively try to keep away from finding anyone. Not because I don't want anyone, because I do, very much. I avoid them because the thought of dating and the whole, 'meeting a man' thing terrifies me. Add into this mix, the fact that I'm 51, overweight and ugly, means I have very little incentive to try. <br />
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The thing with fears is that yes, if you can face them, you have a good chance of beating them. Sometimes though, you have to realise and admit that some things can't be beaten. Those things you know are beyond you, remain unattainable and you have to learn to live with it. I've learned over the years to be able to deal with spiders when I find them in my home. Living alone means that if I don't deal with them, no one else will, so circumstances have forced me into a confrontation with this fear. I long ago conquered a childhood fear of the dark, another necessity when living alone. When it comes to social interaction and finding a man however, those things will forever remain beyond my grasp.<br />
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That is my jungle. I'm not a celebrity but get me out of here please.<br />
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Sincerely, Invisible WomanMerita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-40079290369433822542013-07-28T19:14:00.002+01:002013-07-28T19:14:52.333+01:00It's not 'it' so much as someone wanting 'it' with you that matters.People tend to think that single women of mature age are either cougars or man hating crazy cat ladies. There are some who are like that obviously, but not all of us fall into either of those categories. Some of us are just normal women who, by virtue of circumstances, are alone.<br />
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The thing about being a woman living alone is that you get used to it. It becomes comfortable and normal and the more time that passes, the more difficult it is to change your habits. If has been years since you had a relationship, the prospect of dating is a terrifying concept.<br />
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My last relationship ended in 1995 or thereabouts. I've been alone ever since, and not a sniff of a man have I had in all the years since. Personally, the thought of trying to flirt or attract a man is tantamount to asking me to leap out of a plane without a parachute and rely on a giant eagle to catch me and fly me back to the Shire.<br />
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The other problem faced by women in my position is that, as time goes on, it becomes more difficult to actually be attractive, in a physical sense anyway. As our boobs head southwards, our bellies take on a remarkable likeness to Buddha and the wrinkles take up residence on our faces like a group of new age travellers in a layby, each day we become less and less able to attract a man worth having.<br />
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If you're lucky enough to have a well paid job, you can get a little help from botox, a gym membership and a nip and tuck here and there. Most of us however, don't earn enough to gain access to such aids to beauty and we are left to cry at our reflections and shop for baggy t-shirts in charity shops.<br />
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It's not just sex either, although of course that comes into it. The thing that is the worst for me, is the knowledge that no one sees me and chooses me. No one looks at me and thinks, "I'd like to spend some quality time with her." As you get older, as a woman, you get more and more invisible and it's not so much sex that becomes impossible to find, but someone who actually wants to do it with you.<br />
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Another assumption people make about us older single gals, is that as we get older, our standards get lower. I'm no more liable now to want to spend a night with some fat, balding, paunchy, toothless, ale swilling old goat, than I was twenty years ago. In fact, I'm far less likely nowadays. Rather than our standards going down as we get older, they actually tend to go up.<br />
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Current thinking is that only the young are beautiful and once you pass forty, you become invisible, and this is responsible for so much loneliness and so many tears and I blame the media entirely. Movies and TV shows all portray beauty as both young and slim and anything outside of that is unworthy of love or attention. The middle aged, overweight woman is always portrayed as either the crazy woman next door, the cleaner, the beautiful young thing's mother/grandmother who doesn't matter and other such roles. We never get the man in movies anymore, we never fall in love or have sex and we're never desired.<br />
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It's not that I don't like being without sex. I just don't like the knowledge that no one wants me, for anything. It's the fact that no one has made me their choice, rather than the act itself. The overwhelming display that I'm now unworthy. I've stopped being a woman and become just some old person in their eyes. Often, I feel as if the world is expecting me to apologise for not being attractive anymore, to apologise for not be sexy and not being desirable. This makes me feel as though I'm not a woman anymore, but a genderless thing.<br />
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I don't think I want to remain in a world where I'm held in such low regard. Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-39768875983266509122013-06-29T12:09:00.004+01:002013-06-29T12:09:52.793+01:00Education & teaching this old dog a few new tricks.As a woman of maturity, (that's my way of saying I'm an old bat) I sometimes find technology a little difficult to understand. It seems to be developing and evolving way faster than I am and sometimes I get left behind. Last night I had the pleasure of learning a lot more about how to work my main website over on Wordpress (link on the left) and the sense of achievement I now feel is wonderful.<br />
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I have always been someone who embraces change and I've never shied away from anything new. My Grandmother always refused to use an electric cooker because she was scared of it and my Aunt refuses to learn to text on her mobile phone because she can't understand and doesn't want to learn. Even my eighty year old mother sits and texts by the hour and I get annoyed, so as I'm determined never to get like them, I'm also determined to get out there and be a part of the internet revolution.<br />
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Having self published six books on my own has certainly helped. It's been a steep learning curve but I've enjoyed every second of it. I'm an intelligent woman and I don't like knowing there are things I just don't get. Last night I finally learned about links over on Wordpress and the rest of the internet suddenly opened up to me. It's probably a small thing to everyone else and I will admit to usually being the last to learn things, normally because I just simply never find out it's possible until long after everyone else has done it. No one tells me anything (my invisibility cloak strikes again) and I usually find out stuff by accidentally reading a post somewhere or finding a link when I google for something.<br />
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Last night I met a woman who knows stuff. Not only does she know stuff but she knows a shit load of stuff I don't know and is willing to share her knowledge. I can foresee a time when I no only know what SEO stands for, but I know how to do it too. Stand aside people, this invisible woman is joining the 21st century..!<br />
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Sincerely, Invisible Woman.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-78666152156343372142013-06-26T15:41:00.001+01:002013-06-26T16:17:55.578+01:00Back to extreme frugalityI had a really embarrassing experience this morning. My card was refused in the supermarket and I had no cash. This meant I had to hastily apologise and try to make a dignified exit. Apart from the fact that I can now never go back there, it means I now have to adopt a lifestyle of extreme frugality.<br />
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I know there's nothing wrong with the card or the bank. It was undoubtedly caused by my account being empty; I've always lived on the breadline and I've been in this situation a few times. This also means that the bank will now start to refuse my direct debits, which further means I'll be incurring a £25 fine each time they refuse one. I have no overdraft facility so with the extra burden of multiple fines pushing me further into the red, this means, in a nutshell - I'M FUCKED..!<br />
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I've got my car's MOT due in August and I know it will need several hundred pounds worth of repairs in order to pass, which I can't afford. I'll have to sell it and leave my job, which should mean that I might have enough to pay off any bank fines and overdraft fines, but without a car, I can't do my job so it'll be the dole queue for me.<br />
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So, I'm adopting an ultra-extreme frugality as of today. No more lights on, no more gas, as little electric as possible and my food shopping will 2 loaves of bread, a toilet roll, a jar of coffee and a pack of tobacco a week. I shall be able to save on the water bill by being selective when I flush the loo, catching the drips from my leaky bathroom tap and having a strip wash instead of a shower. It's amazing how much of yourself you can wash in half a sink of water..!<br />
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In the autumn and winter I can go back to putting buckets out to collect rainwater to flush the loo with. Mother will be able to do a lot of reminiscing about her childhood during the war when everyone had to make do and mend, and I'll be furiously taking notes.<br />
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People don't believe me when I tell them I'm destitute and other authors often think I'm just being mean when I say I can't afford to pay the huge fees charged by 'professional' editors etc. I'm not making it up, I assure you. I really am this poor.<br />
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Sincerely, Invisible Woman.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-7036817557460812132013-06-25T12:07:00.002+01:002013-06-25T12:07:22.378+01:00Coma.I've been aware lately of something insidious creeping around me that seems to want to influence me. It's crept inside my mind and made it's home there and try as I might, I can't evict it without first letting it have its voice. It wants to be heard and I must give it what it needs.<br />
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I've never had a sense of belonging here in human life on Earth. I've always felt different and as though I shouldn't be here. When I was a young kid, up until my teenage years, I always felt that I'm not actually from Earth at all. I believed I am actually an alien who somehow got left behind here, either by mistake or on purpose and I used to pray every night that my real people would return so I could back home to where I really belonged. My prayers were never answered of course.<br />
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As I've grown up and learned more about autism, I've begun to realise why I feel this way. This understanding doesn't make the experience of it any easier to bear but at least I know why I feel this way. I don't like being the way I am but I can't do much to change it, being alone and unsupported.<br />
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Lately I've found my mind consumed by thoughts of what it's like travelling between life and death and the imagery always takes the same form. I'm in a small boat on the glassy sea. On one horizon is a landmass under a full moon and star filled sky. Although it's dark, the sense of peace is tangible and the yearning to go there is so strong it's painful to resist. On the opposite horizon is another landmass in very bright sunshine. The noise from this place is never ending; a continuous stream of white noise and millions of voices all screaming at once and it's painful to listen to. I know I don't want to go there; I want the peace of the moonlit shore.<br />
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There is a man with me named Peter and he smiles, his eyes never leaving mine. He doesn't speak much but observes my thoughts and feelings. He tells me I can't go to the moonlit shore, that I must go to the place of blinding light and painful noise. He reminds me that I know this too. I reply that I don't want to go there, that all I want is peace. He tells me he will never allow me to go to the moonlit shore before my due time, but he will never force me to go to the bright, noisy place. I must make the conscious choice to go there myself.<br />
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I can't make that choice just yet, and so we sit in the boat on the glassy sea, between the moonlit shore I yearn for and the bright, noisy shore I fear returning to. There is no hurry and he continues to look into my eyes and smile. I cannot go where I yearn to go but I cannot choose to go where I'm supposed to go, so I'll remain in no man's land; the land between where all is still and calm and this man smiles at me.<br />
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Sincerely, Invisible WomanMerita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-33567042616260153882013-06-19T14:15:00.000+01:002013-06-26T16:18:45.004+01:00They can't see me, obviously.My eyesight is shit, thanks to a horrific dose of childhood measles, and I wear contact lenses which I buy at Asda. They're cheaper than anyone else and they're handy, I can get my lenses whilst doing the grocery shopping.<br />
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This morning I had to go and buy my three month's supply, so I duly turned up at the desk and waited for the old gal in front of me to get served. While waiting, another couple turned up. When the woman in front had finished, the sales woman looked up at the couple, smiled and said "yes please?" whereupon the couple moved in front of me and got served first.<br />
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Now, stupid effing cow here doesn't open her big fat gob and say "oi, I was ere first, arsehole," no, she stands there like a lemon and doesn't say a word. I felt angry at the situation, angry at the couple, angry at the sales woman and angry at myself for not speaking up. I'm such a doormat, and I hate myself for being that way but I can't be any different. My mother is one of those people who is so scared to speak up and brought me up never to say a word in public, to mould into the background and shut up. Now I'm middle aged and socially crippled due to her inadequate parenting.<br />
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It is kind of ironic that this should happen at the optician's counter and you can make an obvious joke about me being invisible at the opticians. It' still annoying though.<br />
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Sincerely, Invisible Woman.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-70503022701271327192013-06-18T22:32:00.001+01:002013-06-18T22:35:05.795+01:00Walking the umm, dog?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I saw this on facebook yesterday and had to share it. It's just the coolest thing I've seen in ages.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-11547156495653588512013-06-18T22:02:00.000+01:002013-06-18T22:11:15.449+01:00A distasteful change.<span style="font-size: large;">I sometimes watch the Jeremy Kyle show. It can be compelling viewing for several reasons. Firstly, it astonishes me that people will admit to the most embarrassing and degrading stuff, just to get on the telly. Secondly, it amazes me that people are only too happy to air their most private problems in such a public way. Thirdly, it baffles me that such ugly people always seem to have boyfriends/girlfriends. I must be totally ugly or, more likely, completely invisible because I can't get a significant other at all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The way people behave to each other, as illustrated daily on this show, saddens me. It makes me glad in a way that I am invisible and alone, as I'd hate to experience some of the shit that gets aired by JK's guests. My mother and I discuss this quite often and we've both noticed that people are less compassionate now than they were even just a few years ago.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Men have always been aggressive to women and there have always been battered wives and abused kids, but the aggression has increased so many times over in the last few decades and I notice the difference now to when I was a girl. When I was young it was taken for granted that you were polite to people and rudeness was not tolerated. Girls were brought up to be (fairly) chaste and it was strange to see an underage girl pregnant. I lived in a smallish town but I never came across anyone who took drugs and although we wandered the streets in gangs, it never occurred to us to vandalise anything or intimidate anyone. We were a bit loud sometimes but we were basically good.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What happened? What started the change? Is there a way to reverse it?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The cause is most likely to be a mixture of many things, over population being the main culprit. People are breeding too freely and the current climate of paying people to stay at home and breed like flies is not encouraging anyone to go back to 'the good old days.' The only way I can see to reverse things is to have a huge international tragedy. A pandemic would do nicely. One that would guarantee to wipe out at least sixty five percent of the Earth's population would be ideal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then we could start over and hope that we'd learned from our previous mistakes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sincerely, Invisible Woman xxx</span>Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-77104249447943078152012-03-03T21:58:00.000+00:002012-03-03T21:58:13.262+00:00Hitting the bottomThis past week I've been given a very interesting Native American Medicine Wheel Animal Guide reading by a dear friend. She gave me 9 animal guides, all for different aspects of myself and my life.<br />
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Porcupine, wolf, bat, dragonfly, owl, ant, skunk, turtle, spider.<br />
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By studying the behaviours and lifestyles of these creatures, you can identify what areas of your personality or life they are giving guidance with. I have to say, after reading all of the information she gave me with each of these animals, I am very impressed. I am now in the process of acquiring these animals in the form of pictures, statues etc so that they can all be with me in my home all the time. <br />
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I was also given a Dragons head and tail reading by another friend's friend, which is a sort of astrology reading and I was blown away by the accuracy of it. The guy got me pegged to a tee and he didn't know even my name, just my date and time of birth and location. This reading identified my weaknesses and failings very accurately and explained why they are there and how to move beyond them.<br />
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I'm at a funny time in my life. I turned 50 a couple of weeks ago and I'm now at the stage where I realise that I've probably got less time left than I've already had. My body is beginning to let me down and I'm less attractive than I was 20 years ago. Still being single means that as time goes by it's less likely that I'll meet the man of my dreams. The economic climate means money is non existent, work is hard to come by and I'm living well below the poverty line. I'm writing my books but they aren't selling so to add to everything else, the success I seek is still as far away as ever. All in all, life sucks cock at the moment..!<br />
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I hope that by working with the information these 2 readings have given me, I can at least turn some of the less attractive aspects of my personality around. It may not make monumental changes to my life but it may at least lessen my own personal inner anguish to some degree.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-15188862700145809042012-02-14T19:09:00.000+00:002012-02-14T19:09:17.744+00:00Readers vs Writers - the feedback debate.As a brand new author I want to know what you all think of my work. It's important to me to know that you like it and why or that you hate it and why. Such information helps me to improve the next piece of work. I have come to realise that there is a huge difference in the types of feedback you get from readers as opposed to writers. Both are useful and welcome.<br />
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When writers give feedback, they tend to concentrate only on the mechanics of your writing. They'll will moan that you've used too many adverbs, used too little punctuation, used the word 'had' too often and so on and so forth. This stuff is very useful to a writer like me, who is self taught and learning as she goes along. Taking this type of feedback on board can make your next piece of work better in a mechanical way and will help to get you known as a 'good writer.'<br />
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When readers or should I say, non writers give feedback they never say that stuff. They will tell you that they loved it, hated it or got bored half way through. They will tell you they were gripped, that they couldn't put it down or that they forgot it when they did. They will tell you they found your characters believable and interesting, that the locations were real, that they could see it in their heads as they read. This is the kind of stuff that tells you if your story is basically a good one, despite the mechanics.<br />
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Both of these different kinds of feedback are useful and give you valuable information that you can use to make your next work even better.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-92163547501400891622012-01-11T20:23:00.000+00:002012-01-11T20:23:11.196+00:00The Brick WallI am many things. Many of my idiosynchracies are positive benefits of which I am proud whilst a few are a burden I wish I could get rid of. One thing I'm not, is stupid or thick but that's how I feel after taking advice that has not had the effect that was promised.<br />
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I've written a novel, yeah I know you already know that and are sick of hearing it but wait just a minute. 'They' say that a good way to publicise and market your book on twitter is to retweet lots of other authors without asking for a retweet or mention in return. Just keep on retweeting them as if it's your only joy in life and they will retweet yours in return. Well I took this advice at face value and gave it a go but so far I've only had 3 retweets in return. Oh I've had several gracious thank you's but very few retweets. I'm already very disappointed and am getting to the pissed off stage. Once I reach the pissed off stage I'm liable to tweet something that is guaranteed to piss more than a few others off and cause several terse PM's.<br />
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I wrote my book because it demanded to be written, not because I wanted the money. That doesn't mean that a few sales wouldn't be welcome though, far from it. I just wish that people could stop being so damned competitive for just a moment and give a little back to those that aren't as 'successful' as they are, although what deems someone successful these days is a mystery to me. I try to constantly remind myself that my story is out there as part of the universal consciousness and that is what matters and that my soon to be released second novel in the series will add to my creative contribution that can only enhance the energetic wavelength of the universe. That doesn't stop me being annoyed at the selfish gits though...!!!Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-17130294196951228012012-01-08T12:43:00.003+00:002012-01-08T12:43:49.133+00:00Smile, smile, smile.I'm about to start the first big edit of the second in The Lilean Chronicles series. While mother was here with me over Christmas I read it to her, to get her views on the story and although she loves it and says she thinks it's better than the first book, we did find something that quickly became a source of some hilarity. I seem to have used the word 'smile' far too often during dialogue - "hello," he smiled - "of course," she smiled, etc. It seems that all my characters smile far too damn often and removal of many of the smiles is the biggest task of this first edit.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-23867066109030591012012-01-06T16:10:00.000+00:002012-01-06T16:10:09.338+00:00Our last year on earth...!Well we've finally reached 2012, the year we all perish according to the Mayan calendar. Mother and I have been discussing all the possible benefits this could bring us. No more worrying about paying her mortgage, no more worrying for me about my credit card bill and not much longer to have to be a lonely singleton. I asked her whether she would do anything rash or spontaneous, knowing that the world would come to an end soon and she said no she wouldn't. For myself, if I knew for certain the world would end soon then I would apply for loads of credit cards and visit all those places I've always wanted to see but could never afford and I would be much more brazen if I saw a guy I fancied a dalliance with. Apart from that sort of thing, what other things could one do...?Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-58929689706039774942011-12-08T16:10:00.000+00:002011-12-08T16:10:47.470+00:00I finally beat the bug..!I've been suffering the intense agonies of a blocked and compacted sinus for the past 6 days. The whole of my lower jaw, upper jaw, roof of my mouth and neck have been agony and at times it's been so painful I could just cry. I didn't sleep the first 2 nights straight because of the pain and have been swallowing codeine like there's no tomorrow. Finally this morning I woke up having slept right through and the pain was a shadow of it's former self.<br />
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YAY I beat this bastard, without antibiotics or medical interference other than pain relief. Go me...!!!Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-82566454079243943742011-12-06T08:14:00.000+00:002011-12-06T08:14:24.712+00:00End of the water fast - SummaryI came off the water fast yesterday, earlier than I had wanted to but the symptoms I was experiencing made me feel too ill to continue. On the Saturday evening I developed a pain in the roof of my mouth and my spinal injury began to hurt much more than normal. Overnight I slept very little due to the pain in my back which made lying down comfortably, impossible. Also the pain in my mouth got a lot worse and swallowing became very painful. On the Sunday I felt very weak, probably due to lack of sleep but the pain in my mouth was terrible. I was wary of taking painkillers as I wasn't eating and I know that it's unwise to take tablets on an empty stomach, so I soldiered on through the day. Sunday night I didn't sleep at all and felt so ill I would happily of shot myself if I'd had the chance. I had to call in sick at work yesterday morning as I felt like a zombie due to lack of sleep and my mouth was still agony. <br />
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So I decided to go to the supermarket and stock up on fruit juice, fruit and veg and come off the fast onto healthy food. With food in my stomach I could now take painkillers and this helped the pain in my back but didn't touch the pain in my mouth, which by now had spread to include the whole of the roof of my mouth, my upper jaw and the bit where my lower jaw hinges into my skull. I drank fruit juice and ate a meal of lightly boiled veg last night and kept up the painkillers every 4 hours and was able to get some sleep last night. I had to take more painkillers at 2am as the back pain was creeping back but then got another couple of hours sleep. I got about 6 hours or so sleep last night thanks to the painkillers. This morning my mouth is still very painful; it hurts to swallow and it even hurts to talk so I have to mumble very slowly so as not to strain my mouth muscles and make them hurt. I lost 12lbs in weight, which has now decreased to 11lbs since yesterday. I don't know how much weight will go back on, hopefully some of it will stay off.<br />
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What has changed though, is my feelings about food. Before the fast I was addicted to chocolate and carb crap. Buns, cakes, sweets, desserts of all kinds were what I lived on. Even though I'm now off the fast I know for certain that I'm not going back to eating that stuff and just the thought of chocolate now sickens me. I had a whole week of not being able to use food for comfort and discovered that I don't need it for this purpose. I'm going to stick to fruit juices, fruit and veg for the rest of this week, then start next week doing 1 day water fasts on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with normal eating the other days. Even if all the weight goes back on, I know the fast has done me good because it's help break my addiction and dependence on the wrong food and I can now start to eat healthily.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-91493644459042298262011-12-01T21:46:00.001+00:002011-12-01T21:47:56.228+00:00The grass is greener on the other side - the the candy is tastier tooAmericans are so lucky, I so envy them and long to emigrate over there so that I can enjoy what they have access to every day. We don't have it over here in England and I love it so. What is this thing I speak of..? Butterfingers, that tasty, peanut butter flavoured, crunchy, chewy hunk of gorgeousness. Oh how would love to be able to buy them over here.<br />
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On a brighter note, I've now lasted 72 hours on the water fast and have lost 5 lbs so far. Perhaps it's a good idea that we don't have butterfingers..!<br />
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</div>Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1999960750246624471.post-22212956479205990902011-11-29T15:55:00.000+00:002011-11-29T15:55:22.723+00:00A new diet starts today.I started a new diet today. Well actually it's not a diet as such, it's more of a total detox. I've been thinking about doing this regime for a while and now seems the appropriate time so here I am on day one of a water fast. I've read up about fasting and they say that the optimum time is ten days so that's what I'm aiming to achieve. Fasting gives your body time to do essential clean up duties and healing without having to use most of its energy on digesting unhealthy toxic crap. Losing weight is just one side effect of it; it's also said to aid all sorts of healing within the body. As I approach my fiftieth birthday I know that my health is likely to start to decline and so this should kick start me back to a healthy level with which to stride purposefully into my middle age.<br />
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One of the most interesting concepts that I read when researching fasting, is that hunger is caused by eating rather than a lack of food. Eating food keeps you in a cycle of eat-hunger-eat that you cannot get out of and fasting, so they say, gets you out of that cycle and so hunger disappears. I've now been 18 hours with only water and I must admit I feel less hungry at this precise moment that I normally do when eating as I usually do and I've not felt intolerably hungry all day so far. Apparently the hunger pangs are supposed to go away completely after three days or so and then you just don't feel hungry at all. You can get smelly breath though, headaches (which I've already got), rashes and boils etc. This is supposedly due to the body excreting toxic stuff that's accumulated within the cells and the bad breath is a result of the body burning its fat stores for fuel.<br />
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As I sit here at home and realise that I'd normally now be stuffing my face with all sorts of stuff, I have to continually remind myself that I actually don't feel hungry and that the desire to eat is out of habit rather than need. So long as I keep my focus on how my body actually feels, rather than on what I usually do, I should be able to control myself. Will keep you informed.Merita Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02614804582378526625noreply@blogger.com0